THE WHITE TIGER: CRITICAL TOOLS FOR CONNECTION - THE DESELECT
Tiny Words can hold great Power - Dr Kathryn Spencer
Being Heard
The Desire of the Human Psyche (Heart) for Connection is as fundamental and as hard wired as breath. As you cannot live without breath, so you cannot live without Connection.
Every human being wants to be heard. This is the premise of talk psychotherapy. Every human being wants to be seen. Every human being wants to be understood. Being heard, seen and understood is Connection - Successful and Positive Connection.
Being heard, seen and understood (Connection) can only happen in the presence of Positive and Successful Communication. Connection and Communication are inextricable.
Setting INtention for Connection
The greatest issue in our Society is the entrainment of EXpectation. This entrainment started a long time ago and has been passed from generation to generation, society to society and culture to culture. It has permeated all human engagement. (Post - Root Cause)
Setting EXpectations in Connection/Communication is identical to trying to navigate life walking across a never ending slick sheet of ice. There will be bumps, bruises, breaks, and equal parts tears.
In this vein, the message that has been transmitted is, until we heal our SELF from our childhood and life traumas, we will struggle with Connection. So we struggle on, thinking that our issues with Connection are our fault, or the fault of others. Suffering is created that must be endured, and hopefully, with enough “good” therapy, and a healthy dose of Efforting, we can somehow be “fixed.”
You do not have to wait to figure anything out, about your SELF, or your life experiences, to have Positive and Successful Connection/Communication. The solution is completely accessible - now - right now - this minute - No Therapy required. All that is needed is an introduction to the correct tools.
Instead of living by EXpectation in Connection/Communication, begin living by INtention.
Switch from waiting for (EXpecting) the world to change and to “get” you, to setting your INtention to listen, to hear, to see, and to understand Other.
As you practice this Powerful INtention, your ability to Connect/Communicate will skyrocket, and the energy shift in the Connections that you make will be life changing. Positive Communication/Connection begets Positive Connection/Communication.
(EXpectation vs INtention - Total Control, Use Your SUPERPOWER!, New Templates)
Discernment
The first Post in the Critical Tools series reviewed the fact that the subconscious and unconscious are the main players in Communication/Connection. “Most babies (up to two years of age) exclusively rely on facial expressions and gestures to communicate their needs. It is not surprising that many researchers claim nonverbal communication accounts for anywhere between 70% to over 90% of all adult communication.”
As the subconscious and the unconscious are the source of discernment in Connection/Communication by assessing the Physical (aka nonverbal) presentation/energy - so too, the subconscious and unconscious discern Connection/Communication by the Innate meaning of Words.
The Deselect
Tiny words can hold great Power. The “Innate meaning of Words” does not reference dictionary definitions. It references that which the subconscious and unconscious colletively, and experientially, understand as the driver behind the thought processes that precipitate the Selection (Choice) of the Word(s).
There are three tiny, however Powerful, Words to avoid utilizing, if the desire is the INtention to listen, hear, see and understand Other.
Deselecting these words from your vocabulary, which does indeed take practice - as they are quite hard-wired, will facilitate Positive Connection/Communication in a way that is truly remarkable.
Deselect “I” “Why” and “But.”
It is understood that there is published literature around the use of the Word “I,” as well as the Word “you,” when to use them, and in what context. However, the more that “I” is Deselected in Communication, the ability, and the ease, of making a Positive Connection increases exponentially. The Power and efficacy of the Communication also increases. The Communication becomes very “clean.”
The second Word to Deselect is “Why.” Within the context of Communication/Connection, this Word can precipitate defensiveness and confrontation, as it holds unspoken (innate) threads of Judgement.
The third word to Deselect is “But.” The use of “But” in a sentence, while trying to Communicate/Connect, automatically (innately) negates anything that came before. This is invalidation.
Demonstration
The Deselect of Words that innately sabotage Positive Communication/Connection, is the first Critical Tool for Connection. Word Choice is an immediately accessible tool for Positive Connection/Communication. An explanation of a tool’s use, without demonstration, does not necessarily lead to efficacy of use. Therefore, the next step is Demonstration (“How to”) of The Deselect.
Until then, begin by tuning into the frequency/become aware of the use of “I” “Why” and “But,” both in spoken and written contexts. Contemplate how communication might be possible without the use of these three Words.
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The White Tiger is written sequentially. To gain the greatest understanding it is recommended, and helpful, to read The White Tiger beginning with the original post forward. All preceding posts can be accessed by clicking this link https://substack.com/@thewhitetiger