THE WHITE TIGER: THE CONFUSIONS OF CONNECTION (Part 3b) - The Irons of Obligation
The Inside Out
The Outside In
The Power of Obligation, power meaning the profound control it has over our decisions and actions, is based in Fear. Opting out of an Obligation comes with significant Risk (Fear), thereby creating a scenario where we feel trapped, shackled, bound to something or someone, in such a way, that we feel our decisions, actions, or participation are mandated and beyond our control.
The source of this incredible Power, power that has taken away any or all of your control, is based purely in the fact that we have been taught to, or have chosen to, Believe that we must relinquish our control for whatever rationale that is offered. “They/he/she is my blood. They/he/she is family. I married him/her, now I am Obligated. They are my friend, I cannot say No. We have been together too long, I have to. They/he/she will be furious if I don’t do this or that. There will be no end of hearing it, if I don’t do this or that.”
Any rationale offered to support Obligation will be based in Fear of Rejection or, worded differently, the need for External Validation (Acceptance by Other).
Obligation only has the Power THAT WE GIVE TO IT. It ONLY has this Power when we live from The Outside In.
The Problem of Obligation
Is Obligation, in and of itself inherently negative? No. However, it is inherently negative when it steals from your soul, your psyche, your psychological well-being.
If you find yourself psychologically suffering, in the context of fulfilling an obligation, then it is, indeed, a problem.
Example: I have a friend whose mother is so negative, so psychologically and verbally abusive, that my friend suffers deeply, and is constantly deeply wounded, in the course of any exchange.
What is my friend’s Obligation to this person who psychologically drives a truck over her with every interaction, and who just happens to have given birth to her?
There may be many opinions that could be offered around this issue, however that is exactly what they are, opinions based in individual Conditioned Beliefs. Opinions and Conditioned Beliefs are but a single thing - THOUGHTS.
At the end of the day, when evaluated Objectively, my friend has No, as in Zero, Obligations to this person, regardless of the person’s historical role in her life. Any argument that she is Obligated to this person is pure CONSTRUCT. If this person destroys her psyche, is detrimental to her well-being, is abusive, perpetually negative, and causes chronic psychological suffering - than my friend is, in no way, Obligated to remain in the relationship. She can walk away if she wishes, and not look back.
The Universe will not judge her for preserving her SELF.
Obligation as Conditioned Belief
There is one true Obligation. It is the ONLY Obligation. It is the Greatest Obligation. It is the Obligation to the Integrity of your SELF. However, that is not what we have been taught/trained/programmed/CONDITIONED to Believe.
Western culture, conceived in the womb of Western Organized Religion (Root Cause), has created a very confusing picture around Obligation, supporting it through words like “sacrifice,” and burying Obligation to the SELF through words like “vanity.” Or…through open statements, such as, “Deny yourself (your SELF), take up your cross (Assume your Obligations and Suffer), and follow me” (a very clear mandate).
This Belief Construct has been interwoven/assimilated into the Human Psyche over thousands of years. Such that, denying an Obligation (mandated Expectation) to something or someone is now laden with guilt/shame. And, as previously discussed, Guilt/Shame are the products of Fear (Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned…). Obligation has become a cross that must be borne, regardless of the cost to the Integrity of your SELF.
Connecting to the SELF
If we are making choices in Connection, that are based in Obligation alone, and the Obligation is detrimental to our well-being, than what can be said about how we are living our lives in relation to our Authentic Self?
If it is not safe to be truthful with our SELF, than it is not safe to be truthful with the world. If it is not safe to be truthful with the world, than we live our lives holding up a mask. If we are burning our energy crafting a facade to present to the world, than we live our lives without the most important Connection we will ever make - the Connection to our SELF.
If we do not have a psychologically healthy Connection to our SELF, than we can never hope to grasp what it means to have a psychologically healthy Connection to Other. It is simply not possible. If we are in negative relationships, or making decisions that permit harm to come to our SELF, out of a sense of Obligation, we are keeping our Authentic Self locked in closet, alone and in the dark.
The Authentic Self
What is The Authentic Self?
The Authentic Self is our essence, undivided, certain, clear, sure, secure.
The Authentic Self is wholeness, completeness, total Integrity.
The Authentic Self never has to hold its breath, never has to lie, never has to pretend, never has to meet expectation of other, never has to be something that it is not.
The Authentic Self is living with ease and openness, secure and unshaken, pure and intact.
The Authentic Self dismisses ALL Judgement of SELF or Other.
It is being so comfortable with your SELF that you no longer need to, buy into, or are vested in living from The Outside In. Living as your Authentic Self is living only from The Inside Out.
Accepting the Permission to SELF Preserve is the first step towards living as your Authentic Self. Releasing your Self from unwanted and detrimental Obligations will take practice. There are a few skills that will aid in the process.