THE WHITE TIGER: FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED...
All any of us have ever done is the best we could at the time with the information that we had - Dr. Kathryn Spencer
The G-word.
GUILT.
It is no accident that the G-word follows in the rocking wake of the F-word.
As a rule, we tend to carry around enough guilt within each of ourselves to serve an entire community. We have so much, we could share…
We have laundry lists of regrets (guilt), lists of our shortcomings - usually quite long - (guilt), lists of things we did not do (or say) and wish we had (guilt), lists of things that we did do (or say) and wish we had not (guilt), lists of mistakes that we have made, big or small (guilt)… Where oh where does all of this guilt come from?
If comes from Self Judgement - and NOWHERE ELSE. The one does not exist without the other. Guilt requires judgement to exist. No guilt, no judgement. No judgement, no guilt.
Where does Self Judgement come from - from the belief that I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. When we distill down anything that we feel guilty about - I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH is the dregs left at the bottom of the barrel.
Where does I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH come from? FEAR. (covered in the post titled “The F-Word”)
It is an algorithm.
First comes insecure attachment (Risk) followed by sympathetic nervous system (Fight Flight Freeze) engagement - which must precipitate fear (that is its function), followed by our very close constant companion - Anxiety.
What are we anxious about (afraid of)? - being accepted, or rather, (fear of) not being accepted aka rejected (abandoned) based on how we believe the world (other) perceives us. Fear of rejection is so powerful it drives most human behavior.
For validation, watch a commercial, or look at any ad for any material object from clothes, to makeup, to cars. The marketing world has figured this out a very very very long time ago. Spend five minutes on social media…Shall we talk about the psychology behind being “Liked” versus “Not Liked,” being “Friended” verus “Unfriended?” (Social media was built around fear of rejection) Or, just walk into a room full of strangers…
Name one thing more painful than rejection… Have you ever received criticism in the form of a derogatory remark or a scathing review? Does the memory of it sear like a hot knife through your heart? Rejection is the most painful experience to the human psyche. It leaves the deepest wounds. It shatters self confidence and leaves trembling insecurity and self doubt. The fear of it can be paralyzing.
I am not good enough is - I am not good enough to be connected with, to be loved deeply and to belong. If we were/are the progeny of a less than secure attachment, we believe that we will always be not good enough, because this has essentially been proven to us.
We take ownership of, and feel guilty about, what we perceive as our shortcomings, that have left us as less than desirable, as if they are, and had been, willful and deliberate intentional acts. As if we have chosen them. We then burn excessive amounts of energy (extreme Efforting) trying to rectify and fix the things within ourselves that we perceive as broken. The things that are “wrong with us.”
There isn’t anything “wrong” with us. We just have LEARNED Survival Coping Strategies. Our Self was developed around our coping strategies that were necessary for Survival, and allowed us to navigate our struggles to connect/attach. It was, and is, a normal and natural adaptation to the messages that we received about our Self in our formative years from infancy through childhood.
ALL ANY OF US HAVE EVER DONE IS THE BEST WE COULD AT THE TIME WITH THE INFORMATION THAT WE HAD.
The only way that we can do anything differently is with NEW WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING AKA NEW LEARNING. Explanation, that offers wisdom and understanding, eliminates the “need” for guilt and relentless self criticism aka Self Judgement. Hence - The White Tiger. There is an antidote…
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The White Tiger is written sequentially. To gain the greatest understanding it is recommended, and helpful, to read The White Tiger beginning with the original post forward. All preceding posts can be accessed by clicking this link https://substack.com/@thewhitetiger
