THE WHITE TIGER: The F-word
“Fear again. If you want to control someone, all you have to do is to make them feel afraid.” - Paulo Coelho
Fear drives the bus.
Fear controls us.
It begins at birth.
Fear is the dominant emotion. It will override all other emotions. It will do that because it is the key to survival. There is no greater agenda in the human as a specie or within the human psyche. Fear was designed to keep you safe, physically and psychologically.
As helpless infants, our need for food & shelter, safety & security, and love & belonging, must be met by our designated caregiver(s). It those needs are not met, in our helplessness, we will become afraid for our survival. Subsequently, and on an unconscious level, we will develop strategies for engagement with our providers to help us cope and survive (aka survival coping strategies).
If our needs are met, and our attachment is secure, we learn to live in Calm & Relax. We do not need to develop a survival coping strategy.
If we feel insecure (unsure/uncertain) in our attachment, and our needs are not adequately met, we learn to live in Fight Flight Freeze. We learn it not on the conscious level - it is all on the subconscious/unconscious level - it is entrained (ie programmed) into the brain - it becomes hard wired. Therefore, our survival coping strategies become hard wired. They are now the default setting. All psychological work we will do as adults will pivot on and around our hard wired default survival coping strategy.
Our coping strategies, developed in attachments that do not feel fully safe (insecure/unsure/uncertain), begin to reflect how we feel that we are perceived, and eventually, who we believe that we are (self). In other words, within the exchange with the caregiver(s) we LEARN who we are - ie SELF is formed. The role that fear plays in this evolution is significant. This is so key that it warrants a much deeper look.
(The written portion of this post serves as an introduction to the video which contains the main body and most important content of the post)
Fear and the development of Self (video)
The White Tiger is written sequentially. To gain the greatest understanding it is recommended, and helpful, to read The White Tiger beginning with the original post forward. All preceding posts can be accessed by clicking this link https://substack.com/@thewhitetiger