THE WHITE TIGER: CRITICAL TOOLS FOR CONNECTION - The Art of the Answer
“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” – Henry David Thoreau
The Answer
Connection and Communication exist for the sole purpose of getting a need met. That need, existing for one or both parties, is The Agenda. (from the Post - The Alleviating Effect of the Absence of “I”)
The need(s), of one or both parties, is/are held within the Answers. The Answers are the Exchange in Connection/Communication.
If you cannot get to the Answer that opens the door to the expression of the need(s), Connection/Communication will not be successful. The only outcome will be the creation of inharmonious sounds and uncomfortable silences.
If your Heart’s Desire is Connection, than becoming adept at eliciting the Answer that illuminates the need(s), of one or both parties, will be a critical skill. This is the Art of the Answer.
No “Yes” - No “No”
A Critical Key to Connection and Communication is Curiosity. (from the Post - The Alleviating Effect…)
Curiosity opens up opportunity for Exploration of Other, therefore the door is open for Exchange. Exchange and Flow are both natural products of Curiosity that move the Communication towards true Connection. True Connection being, one or both parties getting their need(s) met.
Any question that elicits only a “yes” or a “no” response, in the context of attempting to Connect, will have the opposite effect. A “yes” or “no” response is a closed door. Both are a full stop.
Example:
Do you have any hobbies? - Response: “yes” or “no”
Did you enjoy the show? - Response: “yes” or “no”
In both examples no information is gained or Exchanged. There is no Curiosity, and no Flow. There is no engagement, therefore innately (perceived as…), no demonstration of interest (Curiosity).
Curious Questions
If successful Connection/Communication depends upon the needs of the involved parties being met, then those needs must be discovered/uncovered/revealed. A “yes” “no” response reveals nothing. Asking Curious Questions reveals everything.
Example:
What do you like to do in your spare time?
What are some of your favorite things to do when you are not working?
Tell me about the show.
Was there something that stood out for you about the show?
Do you mind sharing a bit more about that…?
Are you willing to share some thoughts about…?
Curious Questions innately demonstrate interest. Demonstrating interest innately suggests (is perceived as…), being willing to/wanting to - listen, hear, see and understand.
“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” – Henry David Thoreau
The quote interpreted - “Someone asked me what I thought” - Someone asked me a Curious Question. “…And attended to my answer” - demonstrated interest in what I had to say/needed to say (aka, I was listened to, heard, seen and understood).
The most fundamental need of the Human Psyche is to be listened to, heard, seen and understood. That is the First/Primary need in Connection. This outcome is achieved by crafting Curious Questions to elicit a response/answer that precipitates Flow and Exchange of thoughts (Successful Communication). This is the Art of the Answer.
Reminder: All offerings in the Connection/Communication series have a foundation in the Energetic Transfer of Words and INtention versus EXpectation.
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The White Tiger is written sequentially. To gain the greatest understanding it is recommended, and helpful, to read The White Tiger beginning with the original post forward. All preceding posts can be accessed by clicking this link https://substack.com/@thewhitetiger