THE WHITE TIGER: THE ANTIDOTE
The Keys to Psychological Freedom - The First Key
The C - Word
Connection.
Connection is the antithesis of rejection.
Connection is the antidote.
The ability to connect, to attach, is getting the “I see you, you see me, I hear you, you hear me” feedback. Flashback to the “It Is Time” first post of The White Tiger…if you were not heard, you were not able to connect/make a connection.
If we can connect, we can experience acceptance, Love, and Belonging-the fundamental criteria for survival.
If we cannot connect, we will experience a sense of (great or small) rejection, abandonment, and worthlessness.
Rejection ignites the firestorm of Fight Flight Freeze, and therefore psychological and emotional suffering aka living life inundated by Fear, Anxiety, insecurity, self doubt, guilt, and self judgement.
Connection opens the door to Calm & Relax, and therefore Psychological Freedom.
We both crave and need connection in order to Survive. Connection offers the opportunity for Love & Belonging. If I can’t connect with you, I can only conclude that you don’t like me/don’t want anything to do with me (are rejecting me). If I can connect with you there is a chance that you like me and will, or do, accept me (not going to reject me), thereby accessing a sense of and/or a chance for Love & Belonging.
The Terrible Lessons of Insecure Attachment
What our Survival Coping Skills have taught us is to gauge the response of Other, so that we can elicit behavior that leads to a positive response/feedback/connection, and therefore our survival.
Unfortunately, this has taught us some powerfully negative things.
First, it has taught us that we are not good enough as we are. We must modify our SELF and our behavior in order to elicit a positive response/connection.
Second, if we have to modify our SELF in order to elicit a positive response/connection, it means that we have been INVALIDATED. We are not good enough as we are, which is invalidation of our SELF. This then TRAINS us to only seek and find validation from Other!
Third, in turn, this has taught us SELF rejection and SELF judgement. If we have rejected our SELF - we cannot, and will not Connect with our SELF. HOWEVER, unless we can Connect with our SELF first, we will spend a lifetime trying to make the connection with Other work.
The Great Trap
Outside/External Validation.
We are TRAINED to seek external validation. I need you to tell me that I am ok. I need you to tell me that I am good enough. I need you to validate me. This is a great and devastating trap.
You are now caught/trapped on a crazed hamster wheel that spins a vortex into desperation and hopelessness - perpetuated by chronic insecurity and SELF doubt.
And, here we are AGAIN at the Sum of All Fears - The Fear of Rejection.
And, here we are AGAIN at extreme Efforting.
And here we are AGAIN looking for love in all the wrong places.
And here we are AGAIN Chasing Anxiety.
The Great Release
Internal Validation.
We cannot begin to connect with our SELF (internally validate), and therefore find Love & Belonging to ourselves and within our SELF, until we cease judgement of our SELF.
If you have been reading The White Tiger, you are already on your way to having the first Key to the Path of Psychological Freedom firmly in hand.
You will have learned that thus far in your life, YOU HAVE DONE THE BEST YOU COULD AT THE TIME WITH THE INFORMATION THAT YOU HAD. You have not done anything wrong. You have merely reacted to your life experience, from below the cortex, from the 90 percent - and therefore, have done whatever was necessary to survive - and it worked - because you are here reading these words.
You will have learned that you are not broken. You do not need to be “fixed.” There is nothing “wrong” with you. You have not acted out of will and intention, instead you have reacted out of the need to survive.
You will have learned that Fight Flight Freeze overrides will and intention (the Thinking Brain).
In learning all of these things, whether you are able to recognize it or not, you have started to Release your SELF from that which it is, in no way, accountable. In releasing your SELF from accountability/indictment, the path towards Self Connection and Self Validation begins to become visible.
The First Key
The first Key to Psychological Freedom is the Cessation of Judgement of Self. This key opens the door to Connecting to Self and therefore, SELF VALIDATION, and ultimately, the beginning of SELF Love. And here we are, AT Self Love or The Love of the SELF.
NEW LEARNING - new wisdom and understanding - turns the key in the lock. This is the first step towards connecting with your SELF, validating your SELF, loving your SELF.
The Foundation Series has given you the first key. However, this is just the beginning of the journey to Psychological Freedom and the Love of the Self. The “Keys” Series will provide you with the keyring needed to unlock the remaining doors. These keys take the form of actionable skills, simple, easy, life changing.
____________________________________________________________________________
The White Tiger is written sequentially. To gain the greatest understanding, it is recommended, and helpful, to read The White Tiger beginning with the original post forward. All preceding posts can be accessed by clicking this link https://substack.com/@thewhitetiger
